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  • Elijah Ricks

Such Sweet Sorrow

Today I came home from work to find our fish, Jeffery, lying lifeless on the pebbles of his bowl. I always thought dead fish float, but what’re you going to do? We had him about a year and a half; he survived a move, several days staying with my siblings, two sometimes pushy frog neighbors, and a rough bacterial infection that nearly took an eye. Here are some other highlights of Jeffery’s life:


  1. Circa January 22, 2008: successfully hatches from egg and attends his first family reunion in the same day – to this day he does not remember all of his siblings’ names

  2. February 1, 2008: makes no attempt whatsoever to potty train

  3. February 14, 2008: frightens off another male – the betta fish version of sending a female a valentine

  4. March 23, 2008: scrapes knee during horseplay and learns valuable lesson

  5. June 30, 2008: sentence of solitary confinement is transferred to pet store

  6. August 13, 2008: hired as decoration for human wedding – paid in workspace and pellets

  7. August 15, 2008: announces retirement from decoration business

  8. August 20, 2008: moves in with Ricks family

  9. August 28, 2008: acquires roommate – African Dwarf Frog named “Ursula”

  10. September 9, 2008: quickly learning the tricks of a roommate, Jeffery steals Ursula’s food

  11. October 31, 2008: dresses as “fish” for Halloween

  12. December 12, 2008: sets personal record for biggest bubble nest

  13. March 2, 2009: swims around bowl counter-clockwise, just for a change

  14. August 20, 2009: celebrates 1 year with the Ricks’ by binging on bloodworms

  15. January 20, 2010: marks 1000th successful voyage to other side of decorative flower

  16. September 25, 2010: survives Ricks’ move – slight change of scenery outside of bowl

  17. October 21, 2010: comes down with bacterial infection

  18. November1, 2010: recovers from infection, realizes frailty of life

  19. November 4, 2010: disturbed to learn that so-called Ursula was really a dude – gains a female African Dwarf Frog roommate

  20. February 28, 2011: completes memoirs

  21. March 14, 2011: peacefully passes to the next world, is honored in traditional flushing ceremony

You know, maybe my life isn’t so depressing after all.

Avey actually cried when she learned of Jeffery’s death. It lasted about 3 minutes, and then I asked if she thought she would like another betta fish. She was ecstatic at that thought, and has already decided she wants a red one this time. Kind of makes me wonder how she’ll mourn my death in 60-80 years; “Aww… that’s so sad… Bowling anyone?”

#Happenings #Humor

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